Once Upon A Ride.

Circa September 2020

It has been more than a year since I changed my route to work and I must say, I have been living in my own bubble, oblivious but still very conscious of how crazy Lagos traffic was, is and is to come.

It almost looked like I was finally losing the feel of it until ‘PowerPuff girls’ (don’t ask me what that is or how that name came to be) decided it was time for a staycation in a VI short-let. It was long overdue. With how the year was going, tempers were already getting shorter, work we probably enjoyed started stretching us by our edges, and to crown it all, the pandemic was still hovering…

We clearly needed a Break.

Our schedules, like stars, finally aligned, and on Friday, September 25, we agreed to adhere to the wisdom tagline from Nike – Just Do It. My plan as a nine-to-fiver was to go to work, close usual time and then head over to our Stay. In notepad-sketch terms: Get home from work past 6, take a shower, ensure all the right things are packed and then order a cab to the island. That shouldn’t be hard right? Leemao.

I knew there was trouble when the first ride got canceled because- ‘Traffic’. I already imagined the worst-case scenario. Last last I’ll find my way to the Island early the next morning. But fam, one of us was coming all the way from Benin and we had plans to go out same night. I just had to put in some effort into getting to the Island that night. Again, it shouldn’t be that hard. The second time was a charm in my case. Thank goodness, this driver was ready to risk it all, despite what the map was showing. 

Waiting on my ride, I kept wondering why there was even traffic on my route, since I would be moving against traffic. More people should be leaving the Island from work to the mainland. Oblivious me was really having a field day. I had totally forgotten that the 3^rd Mainland Bridge (a major commute route for Lagosians) was still blocked. Eh God. It was then I peeped that the estimated fee was between 3000 and 4000 naira/ about 10 dollars (Amen, I’ll have readers from across the globe) when on a regular day would not have been more than 2000 naira.

So this driver finally arrived with his perfect 5.0 rating, reminding me of the ‘Perfect attendance pencil’ cutie. I got in and the popular music radio station – (Guess the station for a Shoutout on my Instastory)- was on to cool tempers of people like myself who had forgotten what Lagos traffic felt like and egg on the ones who have become numb to it. The Drive-Time hosts too came prepared with timely cued in jams and intermittent conversations recommending therapy to Lagos drivers which I totally agree with. As much as I salute y’all who drive in traffic every single day, I’ll advise you go for therapy sessions once in a while because this can take a toll on your mental health without you even noticing.

Well… The genesis of this story began immediately the 5-star driver started moving mad. The good ‘Mad’. My one-time buoyant writing juices which had become dry suddenly started flowing from the vesicle CPR the ride was giving me. I could literally feel the adrenaline rush through my veins. Been long I felt that way. At that instant, all the memories that were fizzling out came back with such a rush that I took out my phone, opened my notes app and started typing this piece that you are now reading.

The moment for me, can be likened to when an amnesia patient recovers some valuable memory- something intricate to solving the plot of the story. No plot here, however, but it brought back memories of the guy behind the wheels at my former place of work – Boye.

Boye was on drugs. Not literal drugs, but he was a true mad man on Lagos roads. On some crazy days, we- his loyal passengers- had to applaud him after pulling some formula 1 worthy stunts in Lagos traffic. Dears, fast and furious guys dey learn work where Boye dey. He may not have furthered his studies to the University, but he bagged a PHd in driving. I don’t know if this is some sort of eulogy of badass driving on Lagos roads, or a realization of what the thrill does for me, but I know I kept on silently hailing this particular driver that reminded me of Boye for being smart; and for some weird reason kept muttering, ‘If Boye was driving now’ to every other driver trying to ‘outsmart’ (yes, driving is war in Lagos) us. Like a kid about to go on her favourite ride at the amusement park, the thrill was orgasmic.

As for this other driver, I don’t remember if I bothered to rate him after the ride as I was too excited to get the party started, but hopefully this makes up for it in some way, or not.

Basically, this is me shouting out to all the amazing drivers out there. Keep doing your awesome thing. Some of us get thrilled when we experience good driving. I daresay, it can be therapeutic for people like me. And to those of you who are not quite there yet, especially those of you who struggle with making perfect U-turns before Salvation bus- stop Opebi (yes, I am pretty specific), just know that we keep judging you.

Per the outing, we ended up getting dolled up and going nowhere. These are the signs… 30 is clearly knocking.

If you are still wondering what the point of this writing is and how I could have just written on the actual Staycation. Well, it is the same reason producers of Lion King made a prequel – for context. Also, I think I’m due for another thrilling ride, my blog needs new content.