Wavelengths

Sometimes I wonder why I love the beach so much. A not-so-rowdy beach to be specific. Feet covered in beach sand, hair like Lagos traffic because all over the place while watching the mini turmoil from the waves and the stillness thereafter. Watching the way the wind transfers its energy through the waters and then like an undecided or half-baked tantrum, watching it dissolve on shore. As a Yoruba girl that I am, I am muttering “ashey oo tie le” (you are not even as mad as you seem).

Maybe I like the beach because it is the closest visual representation of how my mind looks sometimes. Chaos and order in just one wavelength. Every day, phase or situation with its own frequency of waves and wavelengths.

One minute you are sad, the next, a meme makes you smile or laugh so hard. It would not even take you one full scroll on twitter to find something that would really crack you up.

One minute you are smiling at the sun and taking sun-kissed pictures, the next the clouds release light showers as if the sun had to take a break and asked the clouds to cover for her. I am trying to imagine the conversation between them.

“ClouClou, abeg I wan quickly go buy gala, abeg cover for me small”

“Sun you don start. If you are not back in 10 minutes, I go jus pee on top your table, ‘cause you know say my bladder no strong”

“lol. Thanks mate”

Apparently, Sun took too long on her break. She met a guy on her way.

One minute you think you love, the next, you are not sure. From cute conversations to stilted ones. From Timi Dakolo’s ‘Iyawo mi’ to Dare’s ‘You not the girl I used to know’. Where did the love go? You ask.

Oh! It’s back again! Like the nook 90s artistes use on a remix, “we back again, remix!”

Sometimes love is summer. All blossoming with a mix of gloriosa daisy, dahlias, marigold, pink peonies and some lilies. Don’t forget the lavenders. Already smells like waffles topped with whipped cream and strawberry and with a glass of the creamiest shake… yes I’m a foodie. I can link flowers to food.

Like midsummer road trips in convertibles jamming to “despacito” and gleefully missing out all of the lyrics because “you don’t know the words, so you say Dorito”. But it doesn’t even matter because – on a road trip with the LOYL (you think); or like a cool weathered weekend in Nigeria trying out meals, from a couple drinks in Sheraton to White House Amala joint, to an ‘Owambe’ in matching outfits, because love.

Then it is fall. Everything falls, words fall out without breaks or control and it is like a molue conductor and an angered lady’s conversation on change. At this point, you don’t care if Olympus has fallen but you watch the daises fall… few weeks (of not talking any) more… and then it is winter.

Now, you are left with ebbing emotions and nothing but cold hearts and layers of unforgiveness, all laid up nicely like Superdry jackets. Conversations – dry, compliments – dry, all dried up and icy. At least stilted conversations were something, now no conversations. Non.

Maybe if there were less distractions like smartphones and flimsy attention from likes and retweets; maybe if work wasn’t the perfect distraction from summer memories slipping through the ice to warm up the cold hearts. Just If…

(Phone beeps)

“Hi… I miss you”

What just happened? Are we back to being all in love and sh**? Is winter over already? Just this four-worded sentence was enough to break the ice that had built up from Fall in September? But it is just January, why is it summer already?

Sike!

Winter is back. Currently unsure when the cold from the west wind will hit us, but I wonder why we’d rather stand and watch our hearts freeze into oblivion. The waves are also back and the frequency inconsistent, but we’d rather leave all of the hardwork required to the surfboard ( called love) and quote “whatever will be will be” while raising two fingers in the air.

In the non-existent rule-book of life, love and consequences, the waves and season changes are constants and the early realisation of these constants is wisdom. But wisdom seems like a luxury these days…

Like Surfers who know the waves will come but are unperturbed by the waves because they are prepared for them, if only we could be intentional with love. If only we could find some balance, through the crests and the troughs of life and love.

Muses: love, hurt, ‘Police’ by Ric Hassani & Lagos Traffic